To Confess or Withhold The Fact That You Had Plastic Surgery...

Are You Conflicted About Sharing The News?

Just a few days ago I was at the Foot Doctor completing my health intake forms, when the front desk girl leaned forward to ask for my primary care physician’s name. After replying that I currently do not have one due to our recent relocation to the area, she studied me for a few seconds with an odd questioning look. Then she said, “I’m puzzled because I’m looking at you and the person I see just doesn’t match up with the age (70) listed on your records!"

I giggled, and proceeded to share my secret: I had a facelift and 4 other facial plastic surgery procedures 15 months ago! 

“Ahhh”, she said and nodded happily with the realization that her discerning eye had been accurate. She was right, there was a disconnect between my appearance and my date of birth. She wasn’t going crazy!

In the end, my willingness to share my ‘facelift secret’ led to a wonderful, short conversation between myself and the medical receptionist, during which I shared the details of how I came to start my YouTube Channel to memorialize the biggest and most exciting transformation of my life! 

As I shared details of my facial plastic surgery procedures, medical receptionist ‘Brenda’ excitedly reached for a post-em-note to jot down the name of my Channel. Ironically, Brenda’s mother was in the throes of a search for a top notch facial plastic surgeon! What a coincidence!

In short, sharing my secret ended up being a very good thing. I was able to help another woman on her path to self empowerment, while at the same time, introduce a new potential subscriber to my YouTube channel. It doesn’t get much better than that!

I share this story today as a means of introducing you to the quintessential dilemma faced by all Aesthetic Warriors having plastic surgery: “To share or to withhold! What side are you on?”

Recently I formed a new FaceBook Group; “FaceLift 101.” Prior to establishing the group, I perused several other plastic surgery groups to get the hang of running a group.

While managing the group didn’t seem like it would be particularly challenging, I began to realize that helping my members to feel safe sharing sensitive information would need to be my top priority. In fact, I saw that there was a fairly shrill cry from members within established groups-for privacy! Members of ‘public’ groups were begging group admins to convert their groups to ‘private!’

What became very clear to me was that a percent of Aesthetic Warriors (people seeking plastic surgery enhancements) didn’t want their friends and followers on Facebook to know that they were having work done. And, I get that. People have legitimate concerns about the end results. Will they really look better? And, if so, just how much better will they look? Will they feel comfortable sharing their ‘after’ pictures? Will they be proud of, or disappointed, in their new look? 

After much research and scrutiny, I made my group status ‘private’ to ensure that I would be able to vet members interested in joining. And that decision proved to be the right one, as group membership grew rapidly.

But, although the group exists as a private enclave, I was surprised to discover a percent of members still choosing to post anonymously! I pondered the motivation for posting without an identity in a so-called ‘private’ group. Clearly, the poster had to have a level of anxiety about disclosing themselves, even to their group’s co-members; kindred spirits happy to give and receive support on their shared quest for transformation. 

After further thought, it occurred to me that many people simply want to keep their plastic surgery a secret. Possibly forever. For a myriad of reasons...

In their online blog “To Tell Or Not To Tell: Keeping Plastic Surgery A Secret” by Blaine Plastic Surgery, the doctors point to “the desire for privacy” and “the fear of being judged,” as the two main reasons for NOT sharing the news. 

Interestingly, Blaine Plastic Surgery points to an encouraging recent study by the American Academy of Cosmetic Surgery, which found that “71% of their respondents think our society is less judgmental about cosmetic surgery compared to just five years ago.” However, Blaine goes on to write that, “despite this growing acceptance, many people do not share the news about their procedure in fear of being judged by their peers.”

In fact, the truth is that there is a contingent of plastic surgery clients out there who do NOT want their surgery news to be known beforehand or after! They simply don’t feel that they owe anyone an explanation for how young and refreshed they look. And while my brain doesn’t align with that way of thinking, I can understand and absolutely respect their desire to hold things close to the vest. To each their own, as the saying goes! 

Which brings me back to my original question: “Will you share or withhold your plastic surgery news?” Some people are comfortable sharing with strangers, but not with family and friends. For others, they want to update the members of their inner circle, but are unwilling to share the information with acquaintances or strangers. They feel no obligation to explain their refreshed, youthful look to people who they’ve just met. They prioritize their privacy above all else. Privacy, it seems, is ‘a thing’ for them!

Well, for me, authenticity is ‘a thing.’

I share the story of my facial plastic surgery willingly, honestly and proudly when clarification for the other person is warranted. I don’t see the need to keep them guessing. If the question arises, I answer and explain. It’s actually an enjoyable discussion for me! 

Yes, its true! I found the plastic surgery experiences I had so transformational that I decided to memorialize them in videos. I even started a You Tube channel with the deliberate intention to share my message. 

My point-of-view (POV) is precisely this: Elective surgery, especially facial plastic surgery, is a huge blessing and life advantage. Looking good at any age opens up doors and enhances quality of life. Numerous studies have been done on this. And the truth is, a small percentage of the population can come up with the funds to have these procedures. Conversely, there are so many people who yearn for, and dream of, having them. I am one of the ultra fortunate ones who was able to make it happen!

After my five facial plastic surgery procedures, I honestly felt like I had been granted a very special divine gift; the incredible opportunity to ‘reboot my life’ at age 69 with a great new look and a fresh surge of self-confidence! I felt like I had walked through a magic portal that had transported me back in time by 3 decades, but allowed me to retain the wisdom and maturity I had accrued along the journey. An extraordinary opportunity!

Before and after facial plastic surgery

When I share my chronological age with others, and add in the fact that I had facial plastic surgery a short time ago, people’s reactions are generally very positive. I’d characterize the majority of them as ‘surprised delight.’ 

Specifically, their reactions tend to fall into one or two of the four categories described below:

1. People are genuinely happy for me. Seeing someone look so young at seventy is profoundly inspiring to them, especially if they are close in age!

2. People are incredulous and dumbfounded by the gap between my chronological age and my apparent age. They seem completely blown away and maybe a bit confused!

3. People have their curiosity piqued and begin considering what it would be like to have the same work done on themselves!
   

4. A very small percent of people are frustrated and a bit envious, as they feel that plastic surgery is completely out of their reach. 

Here are the facts:

In the 15 months since my facial plastic surgery, I have yet to meet someone in person who didn’t react positively when I shared the news! The only ‘negative nellies’ have been a handful of women I met in various Facebook Groups. 

In assessing my own willingness to share my plastic surgery story openly and enthusiastically,  I can see that my comfort level stems from the pivotal fact that I have no fear of being judged! 

You see, as each decade of my life waxed and waned, my skin thickened and my sense of self strengthened. Idle gossip and office politics that had once kept me awake at night began to loose their sting. 

Somewhere in my mid 60’s, I remember realizing that I had achieved a real sense of inner peace and deep satisfaction with my life. I loved my little tribe; a wonderful husband and 4 devoted fur babies. Feeling fairly fit and still mentally sharp, I was savoring what I knew would be the final years of my 42 year career in beauty.

It was around that time that I finally felt undaunted by the opinions, reactions, judgements and assessments of others, towards me. After working in the competitive, highly perfectionistic, back-stabbing world of beauty for so long, the ability to turn a deaf ear and blind eye to the toxic noise was a huge achievement. The barnacles of self protection and self preservation that had once held me down, were released! I experienced a surge of freedom and tenacity. I became my own best advocate and serial truth-teller. Managers, co-workers, friends and foes sensed the sea change in me. It was so liberating, words don’t fully capture the new sense of freedom and fearlessness that I felt. That I had grown into...

Over the past 5 years, my personal sense of conviction has only increased. I know intuitively when I’m on point. I trust my own counsel. I believe in my own judgement. I’m comfortable within my own skin. 

That doesn’t mean that rudeness and unkind feedback doesn’t irk me. I can absolutely sense when others are sending negative energy my way... and I simply shift my sights and energy in a different direction. One that doesn’t allow the negative, toxic energy that’s been directed my way into my space, or my head! 

So, you know where I stand on the issue of sharing my plastic surgery news. 

Where do you come down on the original question: “To share or not to share... What will you do with your plastic surgery story?”

Here is my simple “OG” advice if you are that someone who remains conflicted...

1. Whatever you choose to do, do it with conviction and peace of mind. Don’t be indecisive! 
   

2. Keep an open mind, as your POV may change over time. 

3. If your desire for privacy morphs over time, know that it’s ok. Sometimes, privacy is a bigger deal when your particular life circumstances demand it, but more of a moot issue as your life evolves. That happens! It’s OK!

And finally, look at the question with a much broader lens. Recognize that your plastic surgery experience is but one tiny silk thread in the beautiful tapestry of your life. It is, and always will be, surrounded by many other lovely threads. The real magic is not any one thread, but the way that the threads all come together, day by day, to create the beautiful life tapestry that you envisioned and dreamed of.